Be honest from the very beginning. We are animals; we see a potential mate and we do what we can to attract them. You know we may not puff out our chest or lift our arms up, like some other species do. Instead, we try to look and behave our very best. You know, as one should. We all like to see that someone is putting in the effort.
But there is a difference between putting your best foot forward and putting a foot forward that isn’t even yours. So how can a person be honest, so honesty is not about spilling all the tea about your family drama and your bad habit of leaving socks on the floor and your childhood bullies all on the first date. It’s simply about not deliberately censoring or manipulating or exaggerating your true self, in order to make yourself seem more desirable by pretending to be someone or something that you really aren’t.
To provide an example when you meet someone or when you’re with someone don’t be like yeah, I wake up at six a.m every morning and go for a run, and then I go to the animal shelter and volunteer for two hours.
- If you don’t do that, don’t tell someone that you are a chocolate person when you are a vanilla person.
- Don’t pretend to be a social butterfly when in reality you are a homebody.
- Don’t say that you are okay with smoking and alcohol if you’re not or that their busy work schedule isn’t going to be a problem if it is.
As you can see, the honesty train goes both ways. You know you don’t pretend to be something that you’re not, and you don’t pretend to be okay with what someone else is. If you aren’t.
Now why is it so important? So the foundation of a relationship, you know the tone the norm, the expectations, the boundaries, those are usually set at the very early stages, at least the very core of it. And if those are based on a false reality, then, eventually the facade will fade, the mask will slip and the relationship will suffer.
Suppressed desires and ways of being tend to resurface in one way or the other, perhaps in five months or perhaps two years into the relationship. Now, if you feel like you cannot be honest about who you are with someone, you either need to work on yourself, and that includes learning to simply accept who you are to actually become someone that you are proud to be honest about being or be.
While you might be fully committed to honesty, there is no way for you to know if the other person is. Some people will be dishonest, some people will lie, and that is simply something that we need to accept as our reality, just don’t be one of those people because they always lose in the end.
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